The past couple of weeks have been chaotic at our house. For many reasons, we decided to rip the carpeting up off our staircase and retrofit them with hardwood. The hubby has been working tirelessly cutting, sanding, staining, painting and installing everything. I do think the end result is indeed pretty stunning.
Our family will forever be a part of this house
The finished product
Anyhow, the work turned the house upside down and the mess has been a more than I can usually handle. However, I somehow have managed to keep calm and carry on without losing my mind. This is no small feat for me as messes tend to cause my anxiety to rise. The work finished yesterday we are beginning to put the house back together.
Today our 5-year-old wanted to go swimming, so I took him and the 7-month-old to the pool to give the hubby some much-needed time on his own to just veg out. So it was me, all by myself with a 5-year-old and a baby (who hasn’t been the biggest fan of water thus far) in a busy public pool. Again, this would normally cause my anxiety to skyrocket, but I handled it, and like a pro if I do say so myself. Five years ago when Nathan was a baby I wouldn’t have been able to do anything like that. My depression was so bad postpartum that I just wouldn’t have been capable of handling it. It’s pretty empowering to realize how far I’ve come in the past few years. I’m grateful for that.
And today I felt like Supermom because of it.
My sweet boys
I thought I’d start off the New Year by remembering to be grateful. I started this blog several years ago after my oldest son was born and I was having a tough time with depression and I wanted to remind myself to look for the good in every day and remember to appreciate all the wonderful things in my life.
A lot has happened in the past few years, including the birth of our second son, who is now 6 months old. I still struggle with depression and anxiety, but I’m in a much better place than I was 5 years ago.
So today, I’m grateful for all the people and things that have made this time around so much more manageable. I’m not the tightly-wound ball of stress that I once was. That’s not to say I don’t ever feel that way, because I do, but it’s not constant and overwhelming as it once was.
I’m also grateful for anyone who takes the time to read this post. This blog is more for myself than anything else, but knowing that there are people who care enough to read my ramblings means a lot.
Happy New Year!
I’m feeling particularly discouraged this evening (I’m not going to get into the why). I don’t usually post much about my moods on Facebook, but tonight I did. And a few people reached out to check in with me. I had one particularly great “chat” with one of them and though I’m still feeling discouraged, I also feel thankful for the fact that I have some great friends in my corner. Thank you for being there when I need you.
It’s hard to believe that I started this blog just under two years ago. And it’s hard to believe that I have neglected it so. It feels like there’s always an excuse not to write. The last time I blogged seriously was in March of 2012. Since then I have posted a mere four times, each time vowing that I would get back to blogging. I’d like to say that this time will be different and I will be more consistent, etc, etc, but I’m not going to do that. The fact is that I have a busy and full life and maybe blogging just isn’t my thing. I have said before that I don’t have a lack of hobbies – there are actually so many things that interest me that I just don’t have time to fit them all in! All this to say that what I really want to get back to is taking the time to find something that I’m grateful for every day.
Today was an EXTREMELY difficult day with my little monkey and I honestly felt like banging my head against a wall on more than one occasion. At two and a half, he’s a handful. He’s had a really bad cold and a touch of the flu recently and was particularly clingy with me and wasn’t listening to anything Chris and I said. Add to the mix that Chris and I have both been under the weather and I had a headache for most of the day and you have one very frustrating day. Did I mention that in the short time Nathan actually napped that I sat down with a cup of tea, only to have the cat jump on me, causing me to drop the full cup and give myself a minor burn? Oh yeah, it was quite the day.
Now Chris is at the climbing gym and I managed to give Nathan a bath and get him to bed without too much difficulty, thank goodness. So I thought I would write to remind myself to look for the positive things. I have so much to be grateful for. I have a wonderful family (even when they drive me crazy), great friends, a wonderful home, a good job… So no matter how difficult my day is I need to keep perspective. I need to remember that I am one of the lucky ones.
So that’s all for today. More general than I would like to be, but that’s okay.
Oh and Happy New Year everyone!
After an extremely long hiatus I am pushing myself to get back to my thankful spot. I’m going to keep it short for today.
Everyday I am thankful for these two very special guys in my life:
Chris and Nathan boating on Sharbot Lake
It’s been so long since I last posted that I wasn’t sure how to get back into things.
Today a friend re-posted what may my favourite blog posts about motherhood. I am grateful for the reminder that I too am pretty good mother. I share a lot of her feelings of inadequacies and worries. I love my son more than I ever thought possible, but sometimes I want to go to stuff just for me and that’s okay. It doesn’t make me a bad mom. Actually, it probably makes me a better one in the long run.
Her post also brought to mind a Johnson’s Baby Commercial I saw back around Mother’s Day that gave me the warm fuzzies:
How has it been over 3 months since my last post?
Things got busy and I stopped writing. I am sorry for that. I never stopped being grateful for things, but I don’t know if I truly stopped to appreciate them as much as I do when I’m writing.
Since I last wrote Evolution Theatre presented a Double Bill of Mary Magdalene and Adventures in Sobriety and [boxhead] – unfortunately one of the actors in [boxhead] became ill and was unable to perform in 6 of 10 performances. It was an awesome show (or so I’m told, I never actually got to see it myself) and it’s a shame that so many performances had to be cancelled. Fortunately, the actor is doing better these days and we’re trying to work out a remount.
We sold out house and moved at the end of May, which was craziness, but we’ve come through it pretty well. There’s still a lot to do, but I’m grateful to have such a wonderful place to call home. The house itself is lovely and has a large yard for Nathan to play in. I actually think we’ve spent more time in our backyard since we moved in then we did all summer last year! Also, we have wonderful, friendly neighbours. I’m happy to be raising my son in this neighbourhood.
Just over a week after we moved I went back to work. It was actually easier than I thought it would be. I think the anxiety leading up to it was the worst part. Nathan adjusted really well to daycare, which I am extremely grateful for. I think that was the main source of my anxiety. Fortunately, we have an amazing caregiver who he loves and who adores him. I am so grateful for her.
My baby is no longer a baby. He turned one a few weeks ago and has definitely made the transition to being a toddler. It’s amazing to watch him everyday – he’s growing and changing all the time. Each day I am grateful to have this incredible little person in my life.
My amazing little boy
Thank you for sticking with me through this hiatus. I am grateful and flattered that you are reading. I will endeavour to be more diligent with my posts.